Establishing new friendships, missing old ones

So, it's been four months, give or take a couple days, that I have lived back in PA. I told myself, in order to ease the pain of leaving my wonderful Denver friends behind, that I would reunite with old friends. I would reestablish friendships that were broken due to distance. So far, that hasn't happened and I miss my Denver friends more than ever.

It's hard enough being a girl, let alone, being a girl in an unfamiliar town with no girlfriends. I realized not long ago, perhaps after pondering WHY i'm missing you all so much, that one of the main reasons i feel so alone is that the bonds that i formed when in Denver were a bit stronger than most of my friendships here. Now, I don't mean to exclude those few who i do remain friends with in PA, even throughout the years of distance. But, i feel that my emotional growth was sustained by friends I have kept within the past five years. Thanks for putting up with me!! Maybe it's the age thing...maybe it's the experience thing. Could it be that things that happen to you later in life turn out to be a stronger establishment of self and those who are there for you during that time are sacred to you because they encouraged your development to becoming a better human being? I don't know. All i do know is that I couldn't have made it this far without all my wonderful friends in Denver. I get this horrible aching in my heart when i think of you because I know I cannot drive over to you, hug and kiss you and relish in the fact that we can sit for hours, even without saying a word, and enjoy one another's company.

i certainly do not want to leave out those friends who are near and dear to me, who have ALWAYS lived a plane ride away, who when reunited with, it feels like not a day has passed. Our friendships are understood differently. A friendship is still a friendship when you live thousands of miles away from one another, and always have. I cherish these friendships. We have grown so accustomed to NOT seeing one another on a regular basis that our friendship is based on a security of communication through emails and phone calls. There are no personal times to recollect...ha ha ha - remember that time when we were on the phone...however, just knowing that we both make the effort to never let go makes me so thankful that you are in my life, even though i would love to have you closer.

Will I ever be able to watch Sex in the City and not feel all alone, in a feminine perspective, in this place called Reading? Will I always have this hardness in my throat, fighting back the tears anytime I think of any of you? Time heals all wounds. Who said that anyway. Though I believe it can be true, I do not believe that time will make me miss any of you any less.

I miss seeing you. It makes me sad to think of future memories based off of emails and phone calls. But I would like to thank those of you who are making an effort to help ease my pain...by keeping in touch.